“What’s the difference between a chick pea and a garbanzo bean? I’ve never paid $15 to have a garbanzo bean on my chest”
“Guy walks into a bar and orders a beer. He sees a jar full of $100′ S and asks about it. Bartender says, “it’s a manhood test. Put in your $100 and if you can pass all three tests all the money is yours. Test one, knock out the bouncer with one punch. Test two, go out back and pull the infected tooth in our pitbulls mouth. Test three, go upstairs and sexually satisfy this old hooker, she’s never been satisfied.” Guy slams his beer, puts his $100 in the jar and walks over to the bouncer and BOOM!! Bouncers down… Guy slams another three beers and heads out back. They can hear dog barking and growling and the guy is yelling and screaming. There’s things being broken and just general mayhem and destruction. Gut walks back in the bar and he is torn up and bleeding from head to toe. He slams another beer and asks, “Ok, where’s the hooker with the infected tooth….?”
“Knock knock…who’s there…Dishes…dishes who… Dishes Sean Connery.”
“A penguin takes his car to a mechanic, the mechanic says to give him a few minutes to take a look at it. So the penguin goes next door for a vanilla ice cream cone. When he comes back, the mechanic says, “it looks like you blew a seal”, the penguin says “NO, NO, it’s vanilla ice cream!”
“I used to know 2 Polish audio technicians. And a Czech one too, a Czech one too”
“A bear and a rabbit were taking a shit in the woods. The bear asks the bunny “do you have problems with shit sticking to your fur?” The bunny said “no”. So the bear wipes his ass with the bunny.”
“A pirate walked into a bar with a steering wheel coming out of his pants. Bartender asks, what’s with the steering wheel. Pirate says, arrrrrrrrrrggggg, it’s driving me nuts.”
“When does a joke become a Dad Joke?
When it becomes apparent…”
“What did the one tampon say to the other tampon? Nothing… they were both stuck up bitches.”
“Two chemists walk into a bar. The first chemist says “I’ll have an H20.” The second says “I’ll have an H20 too.” The second one died.”
“What’s red and tastes like blue paint?
Red paint.”
“Do you know why Stevie Wonder can’t see his friends?
Because he’s married.”
“What did 0 say to the number 8? Hey nice belt!”
“Why does a chicken coup have 2 doors? If it had 4 doors it would be a chicken sedan”
“What’s a ninja’s favourite drink? …WA-TAH!”
“A woman has a pet parrot and every time she brings home a date the parrot says “Someone’s going to get lucky tonight!” The woman is embarrassed by this so she takes the parrot to the vet, she explains and the vet tells her the parrot is lonely and needs a mate. The woman then goes to the pet store and the only bird they have is an owl. The woman buys the owl in hopes it will work out. On her next date she brings the man home and the parrot says “Someone’s going to get lucky tonight!” The owl says “Who, who.” The parrot says “Certainly not you, you bug eyed bitch.”
“What did the fish say when he swam into the wall?? Dam.”
“I was gonna tell you a time traveling joke, but you didn’t like it.”
Reviewed by Your Destination
on
September 12, 2018
Rating:
No comments