'I'm not meant to be a bloke': Woman who changed gender to become a man called Lee 15 years ago says sex swap was a huge mistake and wants to switch back (5 Pics)

A man who underwent a sex change 15 years ago has revealed it was "the greatest mistake", saying: "I'm a woman, I'm still Debbie."

Lee Harries, from Hemel Hempstead, Hertfordshire, transitioned from female to male after years of struggling with his sexual identity.

Born a girl called Debbie Karemer, he asked for gender reassignment aged 44 and subsequently underwent private testosterone treatment.

He later had his breasts, uterus, ovaries and fallopian tubes removed, before surgeons created a penis using fat and skin from his arm.

He also had prosthetic testicles made for him.

Now 60, Lee has bravely labelled his 11-year journey to become a 'man' a huge mistake, saying: "I'm not meant to be a bloke."

Lee Harries, 60, of Hemel Hempstead, Hertfordshire (pictured today )

After undergoing years of counselling, he says he has finally discovered he wasn't transgender. Instead, he says, he was a woman suffering with horrific complex PTSD after years of sexual abuse.

"Looking back now I realise that it was simply a feeling that if I didn't have a vagina, I couldn't be raped," he revealed.

"I feel completely 'mutilated'," he added.

During his struggle with his sexual identity, Lee developed sexual attraction to objects, including a fishing rod and an amateur radio.

He became romantically involved with both - and also had a 'relationship' with a white Fender Stratocaster electric guitar.

Today, he feels trapped in "an approximation of a male body" and is on the NHS waiting list for an operation to reverse the re-assignment.

He has spoken out on the 'taboo' subject of gender reassignment reversal to encourage others to seek talking therapy before surgery.

Debbie Karemer (pictured as a woman) but underwent gender reassignment surgery at the age of 44

He says he should never have been allowed to transition, claiming sexual abuse sparked his dissatisfaction with his female body.

He alleges his father raped and abused him when he was a teenager, but died five years ago, before he could be charged.

Now, he looks in the mirror "through the eyes of that terrified 15-year-old girl and see this funny little man staring back at me".

He said: "I wish I could turn back the clock and just have the foresight of what the nightmare the next 15 years would be.

"I'm a woman I'm not meant to be a bloke. I'm trapped. It's a complete mess - where do you even start? I just regret the decision.

"There is this myth that when an individual 'changes gender' they go into hospital one gender and come out 'all done'. That isn't the case, there are years of surgeries and hormones for the rest of your life.

Pictured: Lee Harries is pictured as a little girl called Debbie 

"I know things are a lot better than they were when I had my surgeries, but there is a big lack of talking therapies.

"I should have been helped.

"I'm sure a lot of transgender men feel the same too but I'm the only one honest and brave one to come out and say it."

Lee, from Hemel Hempstead, said his dad left their home when he was two and they were estranged until he was a teenager.

Aged 14, he met his father outside his school.

Then still a girl named Debbie, he claims he stayed at his dad's that night, and was raped and sexual abused by him.

He struggled with his sexual identity for years, developing objectum sexuality, before marrying his one and only long-term friend, Alan.

"The thing with objectum sexuality is they are addictions and I felt compelled to have them," he recalled.

"Looking back it was just a way of coping with the trauma."

Years later Mr Harries (pictured as Debbie) says: 'I'm not meant to be a bloke' and believes he is not transgender. He says he has PTSD from sexual abuse as a child, which made him develop a sexual attraction to objects, like his electric guitar 

Lee tied the knot with Alan in December 1997. But his self-loathing became so extreme he almost cut off his breasts with kitchen scissors.

It was in 2002 that he first heard of transgender and gender reassignment surgery while watching an episode of the chat show Kilroy in his living room.

"The programme was introduced as a 'special' where transgender men and women were on," he said.

"At the time it was a state of mind no body really spoke about.

"I remember seeing them on the TV and thinking 'that's me!'

"I suppose they seemed confident in themselves and seemed accepted.

"That's all I wanted. This was at a time when trans issues was still a taboo. It was as though I had a way out of feeling so low.

"I had never heard of female to male.

"I had spent years feeling I couldn't live in my own body and hating every single moment. I thought the female body was disgusting.

"When I showered I used to gag at the sight of my body.

"Suddenly I saw the answer on Kilroy. It felt like the only answer.

"It felt like the only way forward."

Later that week, Lee researched transitioning online and discovered a local F2M support group in Camden, London.

There, he was given the number of a leading private psychiatrist specialising in gender identity disorder.

That week, he says he booked an appointment with a private psychiatrist and was given a two-week course of testosterone.

And only months later, he claims, he had a private double bi-lateral mastectomy which, along with the initial consultation, cost £3,500.

Despite having lived off benefits since leaving his factory job, he says he forked out the money, desperate to have his breasts "gone".

"They were the epitome of femininity," he said.

"I think at the time I was dissociated from the emotional and physical toll of the surgeries.

"I just wanted to become as male as possible, as soon as possible. I was prepared to go through anything to get there."

In November 2004, Lee had his uterus, ovaries and fallopian tubes removed, as well as a Metoidioplasty - the beginning of surgery to create a penis.

Mr Harries, who married his partner Alan (pictured) before he transitioned, has undergone counselling, where experts have told him he has PTSD as a result of being sexually assaulted by his father

The following year, he had prosthetic testicles created.

In 2008, he had his vagina removed and just a few months later, surgeons created a penis using his arm fat and skin.

Then, in May 2010, excess breast tissue was removed. Three years later, more surgery was performed on his testicles.

All but the first op - the mastectomy - were performed by private hospitals paid by the NHS, according to Lee.

He said he had some counselling sessions before one of the ops - but claimed that the funding had already been agreed.

"At the time it felt like the right thing to do and I was really glad it was happening," he said.

""I remember when I started waking up in the morning and seeing stubble on my face, thinking 'this is the start of a new life' and I'm no longer this traumatised girl.

"I wanted to start this life as a new man so I enlisted myself on a computer course.

"It's a bit ridiculous as I was a 48-year-old growing stubble.

"People behind counters used to mistake me as a teenager.

"After the second operation I had an infection in my vagina caused by the testosterone upsetting the 'normal' flora of the vagina. Puss and blood kept coming out and I had to wear sanitary towels again!

"The infections left such a terrible smell - as if something had died.

"I lived with the smell of rotting flesh for years. I've had countless infections with my body rejecting what is happening to me.

"I now suffer with recurring bladder infections as all the invasive surgeries have left it incredibly weak."

In 2009, Lee sought the help of a private counsellor, believing his feelings about his body might stem from transitioning "too late".

In 2012, he approached the police to report his dad's alleged abuse.

Prompted by the Jimmy Savile scandal, he says he gave statements to officers, but his father died from emphysema in 2013.

The same year, after four years of counselling and his final op, Lee realised his mistake in transitioning into a man

"She started to mention the words 'childhood trauma' and it fell into place," he recalled.

"It became apparent that transitioning was a big mistake.

"The session where I realised this was so bad that I had a complete break down and panic attack because I realised it was a huge mistake.

"It should never have happened. It was a big wake up call.

"I was traumatised by what had happened in my life and it was misdiagnosed as being transgender.

"I was vulnerable, I just though that if I wasn't a girl my life would be different, I would be different, I would be accepted and that would be it.

"I thought that becoming a man would make me worthy and I would become a different person."

He added: "I'm not a man, I am an approximation of a man.

"I wish I could wake up as Debbie and realise that the last 15 years were just as bad a nightmare."

Lee primarily blames his father for what has happened to him.

But he says he believes the private psychiatrist who started off his transition should have "picked up on the fact I was abused".

"I should have had help somewhere along the line," he said.

"Nobody ever raised the idea that I could feel like this due to trauma. Not once - until it was all done.

"I have spent my life despising my own body.

"It's so inhumane to feel that was about your own body. But the fact is I now know I rejected my body because of the way my father treated me.

"I was seen as a piece of s*** on the bottom of a shoe - and that's how I then saw myself.

"I can't fathom the huge increase in gender reassignment surgery.

"I know a couple of trans men from when I was going through it and I know they were doing it for the same reasons as me.

"Trans-men and women come out of hospital saying everything is great - but that's not always the case.

"If they are doing it for the right reasons then that's fair.

"But nobody is honest when it goes wrong."

Lee, who remains married to husband Alan, went to see his GP about becoming a woman again at the start of the year.

He says he is now awaiting an appointment at a specialist gender identity clinic.

"On the inside I'm just not me," he said.

"I'm a different creature on the outside.

"Inside I am still that young girl calling out but I miss looking in the mirror and seeing my feminine self.

"The thing I dream and long to do is to go out for a meal.

"But most of all I just miss the old Debbie."