'Just when I thought it couldn't get any worse': Embattled Nick Cannon reveals he's been experiencing suicidal thoughts as he shares his heartbreak at rapper friend Ryan Bowers' own suicide - one week on from comedian's anti-Semitic scandal

Nick Cannon has shared his heartbreak after his friend took his own life and hinted that he himself has suffered from suicidal thoughts.  

The 39-year-old comedian and TV host took to Instagram on Saturday night to pay tribute to his friend Ryan Bowers, an up-and-coming rapper who was signed to Cannon's music label before he died by apparent suicide hours earlier.  

'Just when I thought it couldn't get any worse... 2020 is definitely the most f**ked up year I've ever witnessed!' Cannon wrote in the caption of a photo of him and Bowers.  

'After waking up & barely rising from my own dark contemplation of continuing my physical existence on this planet, this powerful warrior actually had the balls to do it.'

The tragic post came as Cannon has faced fierce backlash over his past anti-Semitic and anti-white comments, which led to his firing from ViacomCBS and the postponement of his new daytime talk show.  

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Nick Cannon shared his heartbreak after his friend Ryan Bowers took his own life and hinted that he himself has suffered from suicidal thoughts in an Instagram post on Saturday. The post featured a photo of Cannon and Bowers, an aspiring rapper who was signed to Cannon's label

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Cannon said that Bowers (pictured together) died by suicide after months of struggling to recover injuries he sustained when a San Diego police officer shot him in his home

In the post Cannon called Bowers 'the strongest dude I've ever met', describing how he was in a coma for months last year after a San Diego cop stormed into his home and 'unjustifiably' shot him. 

'I stood by his bedside and promised him that if he made it out & fought the good fight that I would make his dream come true and put his album out and share his story with the world,' Cannon wrote. 

'He fought and fought, he woke up, they stitched him up, he learned to walk and talk again and within months we were back in the studio recording. Even through his strength he would whisper to me that "Everything Still Hurts".' 

Cannon said he helped pay for Bowers' lawyers and supported him in creating his music, but he now feels 'like I failed my little brother'.  

'The Cops will get away with shooting another kid, everyone will just look at this as yet another loving farewell post, but to me @ryanbowersob was so much more than that,' he wrote. 

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Over the past week Cannon has faced fierce backlash over anti-Semitic and anti-white comments made on his podcast, which led to his firing from ViacomCBS and the postponement of his new daytime talk show

'Once again my brother you have put this world in perspective for me. You would do that quite often because I never understood how someone who was experiencing sooo much pain could still laugh and smile through it all.'

Cannon said the photo of the pair in his post was taken backstage during Bowers' first show after his accident, and the last time they saw each other.  

'Soldout crowd in our hometown San Diego and you rocked it!!' Cannon recalled. 

'You were so happy!! Proved to so many that you could do it and that you were Super Human! The greatest comeback I ever saw!! 

'We almost made it little bro! But I guess even flying Super Heros have to land eventually [sic].'

Cannon went on to express shame that he wasn't there to help Bowers with his demons. 

'I am certain that your energy will never die and your Spirit is eternal, so I ask you still to forgive me for letting you down Warrior,' he wrote. 

'I can't help but think if I wasn't so engulfed in my own bullshit I could've been there for you when you finally took your life after several attempts... F**k this place!!'

• If you are in crisis, please call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255) or contact the Crisis Text Line by texting TALK to 741-741.  
•  For confidential support, call the Samaritans on 116123 or visit a local branch. See www.samaritans.org for details.
• For confidential support in Australia LIFELINE: 13 11 14 www.lifeline.org.au  or Kids Helpline 1800 55 1800

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In his Instagram post Cannon called Bowers 'the strongest dude I've ever met' and expressed his shame that he wasn't there to help his friend while he battled suicidal thoughts 

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'Once again my brother you have put this world in perspective for me. You would do that quite often because I never understood how someone who was experiencing sooo much pain could still laugh and smile through it all,' Cannon wrote of Bowers (pictured together with a friend)

The Instagram post was one in a string of emotional musings Cannon has shared on social media in the wake of the scandal anti-Semitic and anti-white comments he made on his podcast. 

Cannon later apologized for the remarks but is still facing severe repercussions.  

On Friday it was revealed that his new daytime talk show, The Nick Cannon Show, had been pushed back from its original air date of September until 2021 as a result of the controversy. 

'The Nick Cannon talk show will not debut this year,' Lionsgate and Debmar-Mercury, the show's producers and distributor, told US Weekly. 

'After conversations with Nick, we do believe that his public comments don’t reflect his true feelings and his apology is heartfelt and sincere. 

'We want to continue the healing process as he meets with leaders of the Jewish community and engages in a dialogue with our distribution partners to hear their views. 

'We are standing by Nick in our hope that by fall 2021 he will be able to use his extraordinary talent and platform to entertain, enlighten and unite his audience on the Nick Cannon talk show.

'Lionsgate and Debmar-Mercury condemn anti-Semitism, racism and hate speech. It runs counter to everything we stand for.' 

Cannon had announced Wednesday that he is also taking some time away from his radio show for 'reflection' and posted a picture of his meeting with a prominent rabbi. 

Yet late Thursday, he posted a series of troubling tweets in which he claimed 'I'm out!'  

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In a June 30 episode of his podcast, Cannon sat down with former Public Enemy member Professor Griff and claimed black people are the 'true Hebrews' and accused white people of being 'evil', 'rapists' and 'true savages'

 Cannon posted a strong of worrying tweets in the early hours of Friday morning

Cannon, who serves as the chairman of Nickelodeon's TeenNick and formerly hosted America's Got Talent, was fired from ViacomCBS last Tuesday for spreading anti-Semitic conspiracy theories on his podcast. 

In the segment, he also accused white people of being 'evil', 'rapists' and 'true savages'.  

The 39-year-old made the remarks during a June 30 episode of his talk show 'Cannon's Class' in which he interviewed former Public Enemy member Professor Griff, real name Richard Griffin, who was kicked out of the rap group in 1989 for saying Jewish people 'were responsible for the majority of the wickedness in the world'.

During a discussion on racial bias, Cannon - who hosts the MTV series 'Wild N' Out' and 'The Masked Singer' on Fox- said black people are the true Hebrews and that Jews have usurped their identity. 

He also delved deep into anti-Semitic tropes - ranting about history 'going as deep as the Rothschilds, centralized banking, the 13 families, the bloodlines that control everything even outside of America.

The two discussed the controversial racial ideology of the Black Hebrew Israelites - claiming that 'Semitic' people had nothing to do with being white and that the term 'anti-Semitic' is only used to 'divide' people.   

'You can't be anti-Semitic when we are the Semitic people. When we are the same people who they want to be. That's our birthright. We are the true Hebrews,' Cannon said. 

Until late Wednesday night, Cannon had remained defiant amid the backlash and even demanded his own apology from ViacomCBS which he accused of trying to silence him and of 'swindling away' his $1billion Wild 'N Out show.  

Cannon admitted to referencing 'literature I assumed to be factual to uplift my community.'

Cannon finally apologized for his anti-Semitic remarks in a series of tweets Wednesday evening, telling fans: 'I feel ashamed' - but he failed to address calling white people 'evil, rapists and savages'.  

Apologizing to the Jewish community, Cannon said: 'First and foremost I extend my deepest and most sincere apologies to my Jewish sisters and brothers for the hurtful and divisive words that came out of my mouth during my interview with Richard Griffin.

'They reinforced the worst stereotypes of a proud and magnificent people and I feel ashamed of the uninformed and naïve place that these words came from. The video of this interview has since been removed.'

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On Thursday, Cannon met with Rabbi Abraham Cooper. When announcing the postponement of his show, Lionsgate and Debmar-Mercury said they continued to support Cannon as he  'meets with leaders of the Jewish community' following anti-Semitic comments on his podcast

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Cannon has repeatedly apologized for his remarks, including in the Facebook post  above

He later added: 'On my podcast I used words & referenced literature I assumed to be factual to uplift my community instead turned out to be hateful propaganda and stereotypical rhetoric that pained another community For this I am deeply sorry but now together we can write a new chapter of healing.' 

Despite the uproar and calls for the star to be fired from The Masked Singer, Fox confirmed Cannon will continue hosting the singing competition and believed his apology was sincere. 

The 39-year-old had served as the host and executive producer of the reality singing competition since it premiered in January 2019 and was reported to be making $70,000 per episode. 

'He is clear and remorseful that his words were wrong and lacked both understanding and context, and inadvertently promoted hate. This was important for us to observe,' the network said in a statement.

'Nick has sincerely apologized, and quickly taken steps to educate himself and make amends. On that basis and given a belief that this moment calls for dialogue, we will move forward with Nick and help him advance this important conversation, broadly.'

However in a series of tweets on Thursday, Cannon said he was taking time off from his nationally syndicated 'Nick Cannon Mornings' show and will focus on 'strengthening the bond between Black and Jewish cultures.'

'I have decided to take some time away from my radio show so I can commit myself to deeper, more thorough reflection and education,' Cannon said.  

'I will use this time to establish an action plan towards real, impactful change and advocacy aimed at bringing people together. 

'I continue to express my gratitude to the Rabbis, community leaders and institutions who have reached out to me to help enlighten me,' he added. 

He later hit out at people who called him a 'sell-out for apologizing'  in a series of troubling tweets in the early hours of Friday morning. 

Cannon first apologized for his anti-Semitic remarks in a series of tweets Wednesday evening

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'I hurt an entire community and it pained me to my core, I thought it couldn’t get any worse,' he wrote. 

'Then I watched my own community turn on me and call me a sell-out for apologizing. Goodnight. Enjoy Earth.'

'Y’all can have this planet. I’m out!' he added in a second tweet.  

He also posted a picture on Instagram of his meeting with prominent Rabbi Abraham Cooper, the Simon Wiesenthal Center's associate dean, who met with him Thursday for a three-hour conversation at Cannon's business headquarters in Burbank, California.

Cooper said Friday that he believes Cannon is  'genuinely concerned about the hurt'. 

'He appears to be someone who´s genuine in his desire to make sure people understand his apology,' Cooper told The Associated Press.

'But also ... not to move forward saying, "OK, I have to go back to my regular things, thank you for helping to give me a lifeline after this terrible error." That wasn´' it. The thrust was: "OK. Now, what do we do? How do we roll up our sleeves? What can we do together?"'

Cooper said that he's confident that Cannon will use his wide-ranging social media presence to talk openly about mistakes, fight for social justice and reject messages of hate.

'It could have a very, very positive impact on young people,' Cooper said.

Cooper said he will meet with Cannon again next week and show him historic documents preserved at the Wiesenthal museum including a 1919 letter by Adolf Hitler painting Jews as Germany's post-World War I enemies.

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Prominent Rabbi Abraham Cooper met with Cannon Thursday and said that he believes Cannon is 'genuinely concerned about the hurt' he caused with his comments

Since news of Cannon's firing from ViacomCBS Tuesday, calls continue to grow on social media for the actor to be fired from his gig at Fox as well. 

'Hey @FOXTV and @Lionsgate when are going to fire Nick Cannon, the anti-Semitic bigot?' one user tweeted. 

'I hope Fox network fires Nick Cannon from The Masked Singer for his horrific anti-Semitic comments,' said another. 

The person argued 'there is no way' Cannon should be able to keep his job if Roseanne, who was fired from ABC in 2018, was terminated for a racist tweet.  

The network was also criticized for their delayed response to the controversy, with many members of the Jewish community demanding action.  

'#FOXTV, #LionsGate and the producers of actor Nick Cannon's upcoming daytime talk show are remaining silent about the TV host's recent anti-Semitic tirade, which included comments claiming that Jews control the global banking system,' tweeted Jewish philanthropist Adam Milstein. 

'@FoxTV why are you silent on this??' another user tweeted, referring to an article on Cannon's podcast.  

Sources told DailyMail.com he was to apologize in order to keep his gig on the show. DailyMail.com has contacted Fox for comment.  

Fox has come under pressure to fire Cannon following criticism from the Jewish community

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Cannon is among a number of black celebrities that have recently come under fire for anti-Semitic rhetoric and for claiming that black people are the true Hebrews. 

NBA legend Kareem Abdul-Jabbar criticized several black celebrities in a column published by The Hollywood Reporter on Tuesday in which he said their anti-Semitic speech was a 'troubling omen' for the Black Lives Matter movement. 

Jabbar, 73, referred to a series of tweets by Ice Cube last month that contained 'creepy symbols and images' implying Jews were responsible for the oppression of blacks. 

He criticized the 'lack of massive indignation' over the posts, saying he was shocked to see little public outrage despite the 'new Woke-fulness in Hollywood.' 

'It's so disheartening to see people from groups that have been violently marginalized do the same thing to others without realizing that perpetuating this kind of bad logic is what perpetuates racism,' Jabbar wrote.

Ice Cube later fired back in a tweet on Wednesday saying: 'Shame on the Hollywood Reporter who obviously gave my brother Kareem 30 pieces of silver to cut us down without even a phone call.'

The phrase is in reference to the biblical story of Judas who was given 30 pieces of silver to betray Jesus.

Jabbar is yet to publicly respond to Ice Cube's comments.    

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Ice Cube fired back at Kareem Abdul-Jabbar after the basketball star criticized him and several black celebrities for their anti-Semitic posts. Jabbar is yet to publicly respond to the comments

The rapper accused Hollywood Reporter of giving Jabbar '30 pieces of silver to cut us down'  

The athlete's column was published as backlash grew over an episode of Nick Cannon podcast in which the actor made anti-Semitic remarks and called white people 'barbaric', 'evil' and  'savages'.

Cannon was fired by ViacomCBS on Tuesday for promoting 'hateful speech' in the widely circulated episode where he spread anti-Semitic conspiracy theories claiming black people were robbed of their birthright by Jews.

The actor drew further backlash on Wednesday after he refused to say he was sorry and issued a statement accusing the media giant of being on the wrong side of history.   

Jabbar did not mention Cannon in his piece but criticized Ice Cube and others of  continuing 'to defiantly marinate in their own prejudice' even after they are called out. 

'Their arrogant and irrational response to accusations of anti-Semitism, rather than dissuade us, actually confirmed people's worst opinions,' Jabbar wrote.